just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
