there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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