You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
