Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude i'm inner monologue high
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
