He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
