His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
