All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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