Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
