Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
