It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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