you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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