Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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