Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sext me about skeletons
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
