Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
