dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
