6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
