Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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