so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
FUCK WHALES
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
