why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
