I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
