I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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