you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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