the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
