I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
