if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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