The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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