We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
