she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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