would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a search helicopter?!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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