i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
