I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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