a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
