I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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