some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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