im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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