There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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