a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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