I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
