we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
