I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
