Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
