at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
