so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
