I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
