My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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