just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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