Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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