I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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