ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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