I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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