I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
