I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
