i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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