Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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